she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
