I think my fart just growled at me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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