last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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