weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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