she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
