he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my shit smells like andre
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
