the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
