next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
