my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it glows. i had to have it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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