he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
