I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
