Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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