Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk is not a location!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
