Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
