I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
