Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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