So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
