Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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