I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
