And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
