My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
