I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
