i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
