awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
