You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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