My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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