someone get that fucking seahorse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
