wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
