Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
