I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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