He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
