I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
