It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
