my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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