That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
