please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
