I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
