You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
