She's JV to your varsity
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
