i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
