a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
