And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
