Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this beer tastes like vomit already
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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