Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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