What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
