I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
