Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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