Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
