Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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