i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
