you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
