you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
