Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
