Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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