he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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