I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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