I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
