Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
