Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
