I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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