It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
