I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
